◊ Daily Sketch ◊
[from a conversation on may062010 about areas of comfort
People always invite me over for parties and whatnot, but I will never stay over and they tend to get offended. It's nothing personal, though. I simply cannot sleep or even use the toilet, in other people's...in anywhere other than my currently established residence. The few times that I will stay overnight, I don't sleep and usually get sick to my stomach. I never eat full meals, only pick at things and sip from a water bottle that I've brought with me. This happens at the houses of even my /closest/ friends. I don't know what causes these issues. This is something I've observed in myself for as long as I can remember.
The exception, however, is when I'm "dating" someone. I am able to spend immeasurable amounts of time at their house. Somehow, it usually works out that it is an apartment into which they have just moved, which helps. The place has not been christened and established as someone else's home. I tend to fall asleep a bit better in those situations, but I will never stay asleep for very long and will wake up often. I still suffer the aforementioned issues. In hotels, also, I tend to be mentally more comfortable, but still don't sleep or eat or other things that the body needs to do regularly. I will probably die in Russia.
There are many times when I will even choose the consolation of my car over that of my room. Part of that is because my frequent states of physical illness often confine me to my bed or couch or whatever, that my "room" or "rooms" develop a negative connotation. Other than that, since living in the apartment at Sunlake, I have not felt like I've had a home. The dorm was just a room I was renting, not my room, and therefor not a place of solace, and here at my father's place I still feel like I'm visiting. Visiting for three.5 years and horribly imposing upon him, but still visiting nonetheless. I rarely call this place "home," and usually refer to it as "the condo." Right now, there is no "home." There's "the apartment," where I used to live, "the condo," where I sleep now, and "mom's place," which changes from time to time and where I rarely visit. I hope that whenever I can move into my own place I will be able to cure these issues of displacement.
A lot of my friends attend gyms, but I feel like those memberships are too expensive for what they are. I personally hate being around that many strangers for that type of activity. Not even a matter of shyness or embarrassment, just a matter of "nothanks." I prefer to workout, consequentially without equipment, at home. There are certain areas in which I miss out because of this, but ohwell. Gym membership is actually included in my tuition to my university, but I never make time for it or get over the fact that I'd rather not go.